JESUS

One ordinary day

  " JESUS, YOU mean a lot to me. Without YOU I do not know what I myself and my life would be like. I do know THAT I would not write these lines and most probably I would not be in Japan. What would I BE and what would my life be without YOU?
  To answer this question I am going to describe an ordinary day.

  Rising

  " After having decided to get up from bed I kneel down, raise my hands and say short prayers to The FATHER, to YOU and to The HOLY SPIRIT. " Good morning FATHER, Good morning JESUS, Good morning HOLY SPIRIT". " Thanks to You FATHER, to You JESUS and to You The HOLY SPIRIT". " Strengthen us FATHER……". " Bless us FATHER……". On my way to the shower when passing the chapel a ‚Hello' goes to YOU. When the hot water is running down my body producing in me a good feeling, usually words of thanks to the FATHER flow spontaneously out of my heart and mouth.

  " In winter while still not yet fully dressed I switch on the little heater in the chapel. While doing so, --face unshaved, my hair still uncombed, socks still missing, —— I feel kind of embarrassed. This feeling grows when I turn my back to you while lighting the heater. I could instead kneel down and do it in a well-mannered, Japanese lady like fashion. Thus, I would avoid embarrassing YOU and causing YOU to turn YOUR eyes in a different direction. I, however, do not behave properly excusing myself by saying its ”only“ YOU and YOU would understand and forgive. Such a 'proper behavior' would require too much of an effort.

  " I need or prefer a warm chapel in winter. Of course I am aware that YOU might make me 'warm-up'. But I prefer to depend upon the heater. In summer I very seldom depend on a fan and do not use an air conditioner. During the heat I appreciate a slight breeze which I consider to be the FATHER touching me.

  " Reaffirming my own love toward myself before shaving I stand in front of a big mirror and say to myself, “I love you," -- ‘you’ meaning me. I feel that I can say this only because of YOU and YOUR being with me. There are times when I find it very hard to tell myself, “I love you,” for example, when I know I made a moral mistake-- i.e. I have sinned. Under such circumstances I use to say, " I love you even if you go to hell. I want you to know very clearly that you will always have a friend, namely, myself. This holds true for hell too."

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  " I feel THAT knowing YOU as a loving, caring, understanding and forgiving person, enables me to say to myself, " I love you." I feel YOU are supporting me. Without knowing YOU I question whether or not I would have the courage to make this daily psychological and spiritual exercise in a growthful and strength-enhancing way.

  Meditation

  " One hour of meditation usually comes next. (Morning hours are my most productive ones. Thus, I have to struggle sometimes wondering whether meditation, i.e., being together with YOU, or finishing some work comes first.) I like best to chant YOUR name throughout the whole hour. Sometimes I start out with a word from the Bible, preferably with one of YOUR words from the Bible reading of the previous day. Usually, however, this word does not occupy my mind as much as YOUR name does. I just like YOUR name 'JESUS', to pronounce it as well as to write it on a blackboard or a piece of paper. I do not think I repeat or write any name or word as often as YOUR name. I love it.

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  " The few high moments which I am privileged to experience occasionally during meditation are very precious to me. In those moments I feel very close to YOU or the FATHER. I do not want to miss these moments. One such moment once every few weeks, or once a year pays for all the effort made to sit in silence one hour each day. This hour gets my day off to a good start, especially regarding my peace of mind, relaxing when in a hurry, accepting and forgiving myself and others, especially those whom I consider to be stupid, wasting my time, are arrogant or threatening to me.

  " Coming back to the subject of meditation, sometimes I find myself repeating 'FATHER' instead of YOUR name. In earlier days, I felt I had to be exact and thus to split my time into equal parts for YOU, the FATHER, and the HOLY SPIRIT. Now I repeat the name of whoever comes into my mind first. To be honest, I like best to chant YOUR name.

  Bible

  " I mentioned earlier that I appreciate receiving a word from YOU, such as comes at the beginning of meditation. YOUR words are a treasure and are like solid food for me daily. I do not make much effort to study the Bible, though I KNOW that it is important to understand it properly; but I like praying the Bible. I am aware that I might miss the original meaning of a given word or paragraph; nevertheless, I prefer this ‘unbiased’ approach.

  " Thus, I am waiting each day for a specific word from YOU or from the FATHER. This word carries me through the day. It is like a good companion. It is mind-filling energy. I like to recall it as the day proceeds.

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  " Frequently I mark YOUR word with a spot writer. The yellow background makes YOUR word stand out. Sometimes I transcribe YOUR word to 'think cards'. I guess it would be better to call them 'food stamps' or 'ration cards'. I just love these handy cards.

  Breakfast

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  " With breakfast starts the rather long period of the day when I usually do not make particular efforts to be together with YOU. Meals take up all my thoughts. The prayer at the end of a meal consists mostly in naming all the food and items I was blessed with during that particular meal. This prayer is made in silence and addressed to the FATHER.
  " I sometimes write YOUR name on the blackboard, or on a card which I place on the table or a shelf. Also there is a picture of YOU on the wall which reminds me of YOU while I am in the dining room. These reminders do not last too long. Food usually succeeds in driving YOU from my mind. The card with YOUR name on it when placed on the table often gets hidden between plates and dishes, or is simply put away on a remote shelf.

  Work

  " Work, like the food, succeeds in replacing YOU in my mind. (A newspaper I do not read regularly, let alone in the morning. But when reading a newspaper it accomplishes the same. Thus, during my working hours I do not think much or often about YOU—regardless of the fact that wooden board with YOUR name on it is hanging in front of me on my desk.

  " ‘The Angelus bell’ at school or during a workshop I do not appreciate. It disturbs me more than it reminds me of YOUR mother and YOUR birth, for which I should be grateful. Even when acknowledging the ringing bell and retreating from work for a few moments, be it of my own free will or for the sake of saving face, e.g., when with a person who I think regards me as being ‘pious’, I still would prefer not to be interrupted at my work. It does not have to be meaningful work. The work might be boring or unproductive. In short, while being engaged in any kind of work—I do not like to be interrupted.

  " In comparison to prayer, the mailman, a new book, a magazine, a snack, etc. are much more powerful. Phone calls, however, are not such a great threat. These things succeed quite frequently in distracting my mind from the work I am doing, be it important with a dead line, or work merely concerning a hobby.

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  " In trains or walking on the street, I like to chant your name. YOU are mostly on my mind. I especially enjoy chanting YOUR name without having made a conscious effort. Usually when I have a sexual desire or feel envy, hate or the burden of work to be done I start to chant YOUR name consciously. It helps and I am thankful for it. I also know that I should chant YOUR name more often when I am in high spirits. I do not want YOU just for a nursing maid.

  " During working or lunch hours I very seldom enter the chapel even if I pass it by. In contrast, it is relatively easy to drop in the study room of a colleague or at some store, or have a chat with someone. Thus, YOU are not much on my mind until the second hour of prayer, i.e., sometime during the late afternoon-- generally at 5:00 p.m.

  More Prayer. Mass

  " The second hour of prayer, which usually means celebrating the eucharist, is the easier one, but less fulfilling. I continue to give YOU thanks. When reading the Gospel I feel close to YOU. I am eager to receive a powerful or peace inducing word or phrase from YOU. To read the Gospel is, most of the time, like reading a letter from a good friend. I am curious about what he has to say. Good remarks regarding my own person keep me alert. Often when I say mass alone I change the words of the Bible. Instead of saying, “JESUS taught HIS disciples...” I say, “YOU, JESUS taught YOUR disciples...“.”Altering the text in this way, I feel as though I am talking with YOU.

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  " Sometimes I excuse myself from having this second hour or any prayer time at all in favor of (more) work. I feel, however, that this is not what I really want to do. I realize very clearly that if I were to continue this for a long time I would be separated from my very base of existence — YOU.

  " On days when I have had much to do and am exhausted, I like to sit down in the chapel in front of YOU-- relaxing, doing nothing, or reading my mail, a newspaper or a book. At these times, too, I feel close to YOU; I feel YOU are present.

  " There are times when I do not want YOU to be around; times when I want to do my thing my way. Looking at YOU in the chapel or in a picture, I do not feel real. Yet I hesitate to say clearly that I want to be left alone for the time being to do my own 'stuff'.

  Sleep

  "I do not sleep deeply. Though resting for approximately eight hours, I wake up frequently during this time. Sometimes I remember YOU or chant YOUR name. On these occasions there are times when it seems that my heart is praying rather than my mind. When this happens I feel just great. There is nothing I can compare with. Thank YOU!"

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  Dear Visitor

  Dear Visitor, I am sorry for having left you more or less out during this long talk with JESUS. But I feel having talked directly with JESUS in front of you has helped me to be more open, and clear.

  While being conscious that my involvement with JESUS is weak or slight I still consider HIM as the very foundation of my existence. HE is my life-giving source, my raison d'etre__in particularly for being here in Japan.
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HE is my hope,
    the one ON WHOM I feel I can fall back.
HE is the one
    whom I trust, and who trusts me.

HE is the one
    who allows me to be free and without fear.

HE is the one
    who understands me and has patience with me.

HE is the one
    who accepts me as I am, thus enabling me to accept myself as I am.

HE is the one
    who reaffirms me in my worth.

HE is the one
    who loves me, and who I love.

HE is the one
    who gave me a mission.
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  This mission is to affirm you, dear Visitor, and anyone with whom I might have a meaningful encounter. You are important and loved by HIM. This mission is for me a cause for which to live and die, wherever HE wants me to be.

  JESUS called me because HE loved me and still loves me. I do not know any other reason for HIS calling me except HIS love for me. HE loves to love. HE is love. HE calls me a friend__this I believe ––and I like to address HIM best as a friend.

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